(If you are not comfortable discussing females wearing strings up their butt cracks, please refrain from reading any further.)

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Dear thong-clad women of Austin,

I know that at least in some circumstances, wearing a thong can be appropriate…. At home with your husband (for the conservative) or your girlfriend (for the liberals).

I understand some women find them more comfortable, or aesthetically pleasing, or what have you not – what do I know? I either wear underwear, or I don’t.

However, going to the grocery store is generally not one of those moments… although, it is understandable – should you be on your way from your home, and need to stop by the grocery store, on your way to a late-night tryst – that you should find yourself in the store while wearing a thong.

Being as the logistics of perhaps going out, getting what you need, going home, changing, and then going to your tryst – are somewhat more complicated than necessary… I will grant you the allowance of wearing thongs to the grocery store.

However, thongs, in all their aesthetically pleasing-ness… Do NOT need to show two inches above the waist of your workout pants… I mean, really – would you want to see my underwear after a day of working construction in the sun? Hardly. Well, me neither.

Save for a few, any man can imagine the vile disgust that exists at the other end of that oh-so-thin piece of cloth. It’s more like a string, left to rot at the bottom of a sewer.

Well, so maybe not all thongs… But DAMN, some of you girls got some UGLY thong-action going on.

The End.